


Indiscretion, The

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode: s07e16 Election Day Part I, Episode: s07e19 Transition, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-23
Updated: 2007-04-23
Packaged: 2019-05-31 08:49:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15115937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: She was not the woman he fell in love with five years ago or eight months ago.





	Indiscretion, The

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Something was seriously wrong. The election had been over for almost two weeks; Santos/McGarry had taken over the OEOB for transition. Rumors circulated that Vinick would be the new Secretary of State. China and Russia were calming. WWIII might not be started over Kazakhstan. Donna was finally back home with him. Still, something was horribly wrong.

Cliff noticed it Tuesday…the hushed whispers of CJ and Nora tipped him off. Donna and Charlie both seemed to be spending more time in the West Wing with the old guard instead of bringing in the new. The whole place was quiet…horror movie quiet. That was just work though; Cliff figured he would get a reprieve at home. He got no such thing.

Donna was distant, edgy, and sometimes downright belligerent. Cliff felt like she was a stranger. She was not the woman he fell in love with five years ago or eight months ago. She was someone else altogether, and she was hiding something. A week she had been back in DC and they only spent one night together. The rest of the time, she avoided Cliff like the plague. 

Their two sexual encounters had been tense and dissatisfying. He heard her cry herself to sleep that night. Most of the time she looked as if she got no sleep at all. What happened between Halloween night and Friday, November 17th? Was it enough to destroy what he thought they had?

“Why are you awake?”

He turned when he heard her voice. Donna looked pale and had rings under her eyes. She looked a mess.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He replied.

“I reached for you but you weren’t there. Come back to bed.”

“Donna…?”

“What? C’mon.”

She took both of his hands, leading him towards his bedroom. As much as Cliff didn’t want to, he didn’t think it was a good idea; he could not resist her. She was back with him and they were supposed to be happy.

“I love you so much.” He whispered against her naked skin.

“I love you too Cliff.”

She shuddered as he made love to her and though it was not tense and uncomfortable, it felt foreign. Donna moaned at his touch, but she also cried silent tears as he climaxed. Cliff was sure she did not come with him. 

“What's the matter with you?” he asked.

They were spooning and Donna was so glad she did not have to look into those blue eyes. She just held his hands and tried to breathe.

“Its not really enjoyable if you are not with me.”

“I'm with you.” She whispered.

“You're not.”

“Do you want me to go home?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Donna fought him a bit but Cliff finally got her to turn around and look at him. Well, not exactly look at him; she refused to meet his eyes.

“Donna, please talk to me.”

“Can you just hold me? Hold me tight.”

Cliff held her tight but had no power to stop the tears and sobs that racked her body. He cried too and they eventually fell asleep in each other’s arms to fitful dreams.

***

“Hello Clifford.”

“Mr. Vice-President-elect.” Cliff stood from his chair and held out his hand. “Welcome back.”

Leo smiled, shaking his hand. He sat and Cliff did too.

“So, how's it going?” Leo asked.

Cliff laughed a bit, shaking his head but not answering.

“That sounds like how I feel.”

“It’s nice to know that I'm not alone. This past week has been…”

“I need to talk to you about that.”

That caught Cliff’s attention. He sat up in the chair, focused on the Vice-President, and crossed his leg.

“I'm sure you’ve heard about the book coming out tomorrow.”

“King Leo and Anne Boleyn…I heard a bit. I try not to pay too much attention to the negative things.”

“Well that’s what Donna, Nora, and CJ have been working on all week. If she seemed a little off, now you know why.”

“How did you…?”

“My wife and I have not had the best week either. I don’t think anyone has. They were trying to protect us so we have to remember that.”

“How bad is this book sir?” Cliff asked.

“Its bad, but it’s the usual. The women that we love are painted as whores.” Leo gritted his teeth. "And they’ve spent the whole week protecting us when we should be protecting them. I never want to butt in on what's happening between you and Donna…”

“No sir, I understand. I've just been worried about her and now I know why she’s been so rattled. I will talk to her tonight.”

“Good. Now I need to change the subject.”

“Certainly sir. I'm sure there are transition things that need to be handled.”

“Yeah. President-elect Santos and I want to extend a position here at the White House for you.”

“Really?”

“Yes Clifford. You are a valuable asset and Senior White House Counsel is yours if you would like it.”

“The guy who last had the job is getting ready to be Attorney General.” Cliff was impressed.

“Yes, he is.”

“So there is some truth behind this new day; a truly bipartisan White House.”

“Yes. Four Republicans have already been tapped for vital Cabinet positions. It is time for a new dialogue and it starts with us.”

“Yes sir, I agree. Can I have some time to think about it?”

“48 hours is going to have to be enough.” Leo said.

“It is sir. Thank you for you consideration.”

“We want you Clifford; this is not an olive branch.” Leo stood and Cliff did too. “You have a good day. Go home tonight and hug Donna.”

“I most certainly will. Thank you, Mr. Vice-President-elect.”

They shook hands again and Leo left. A flurry of Secret Service agents flocked him; Cliff knew that couldn’t be too much fun. He pulled his cell phone from his hip and pressed four. It rang a few times before going to voicemail. ‘This is Donna, leave a message. Thanks.’ BEEP!

“Hey beautiful, I just wanted to call, say hello, and tell you how much I love you. I know things have been crazy lately but all you have to do is talk to me. I want to know what you're feeling and I want to make you feel better. Maybe we can meet tonight…call me back OK. Bye.”

He flipped his phone closed and went back to his transition memo.

***

Cliff sat on Donna’s couch speechless. His hands were on his knees, clutching so tightly that his knuckles were white. She was afraid to look at him but she finally summoned the courage.

“Cliff?” she touched his shoulder.

“Don't touch me.”

His voice was low, and it came from somewhere deep in his belly. He tried to swallow but couldn’t…he couldn’t breathe.

“Cliff, I am so sorry. I need you to…”

“What? You need me to what? Understand? Forgive you?”

“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “I don’t know what I was thinking. It all happened so fast and…”

“Just shut up.” He cut her off. “I don’t want to hear about it. I don’t ever want to see you again.”

Without another word, he got up and walked to the front door. Donna rushed ahead of him. She was not going to allow him to go; at least not without talking to her.

“You can't mean that…don’t leave like this.” She was frantic. “You have to talk to me!”

“There is nothing to say. You were with him for over seven years and you wait until we are together to fuck him. He doesn’t want you, does he? That is why you're back with me, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have you either. Don’t worry about it, I'm gone. He won.”

He tried to move her out of the way and there was a bit of a scuffle. Donna clung to him but Cliff pulled away. He did not want to hurt her in his anger.

“Cliff,” she pleaded, reaching for him. “Please.”

“I loved you.” He tried to hold back the tears but he lost. “Goddammit!” he punched the wall. “I loved you and this is what you do. You fucked Josh Lyman! How could you do that?” There was a pleading in his voice that broke her heart.

“I'm sorry!”

“You think that’s good enough?” he closed his eyes. “I wish to God it was good enough but its not. How am I ever supposed to trust you again?”

“I made a mistake…a big, big mistake. Give me another chance and I will prove to you that I love you.”

“Did he reject you? Did he get what he wanted and leave you by the wayside? You lied to me Donna. You ripped out my heart and stepped on. You're a liar and I don’t love you anymore.”

“Don’t say that; you don’t mean that. If you didn’t love me you would leave.”

“I'm trying to. Please get out of my way.”

“I'm asking you for ten minutes.”

“I'm asking you to get out of my way. This is your fault and there is nothing left for us to talk about.”

“OK.” Donna said, throwing her hands up. “It’s over; fine. I'm a big, fat fuck up and I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. Go, because I deserve it, but before you do I want to know that you love me.”

“That is something you will never deserve again.”

“I still love you…I'm never going to stop. The last eight months with you were the most wonderful.”

Cliff opened the door but he stopped and looked back at her.

“It’s just another lie Donna. You don’t have to keep repeating it to yourself so you'll believe it.”

He walked out of her apartment, closing the door softly behind him. Donna screamed and let all the emotions out. This was her fault; there was no going back from what happened. Cliff walked out of her life and she could not even convince herself that she didn’t deserve it.

***

The next three weeks were a flurry of activity for the White House. There was Thanksgiving, Christmas, and transition. There were the usual problems that popped up; an office shooting in Tempe brought gun control laws back to the forefront. American flag burnings in Algiers, and rising crime rates on the East Coast. Cliff was busy and he appreciated the distraction. 

The President assigned him to work with the First Lady-elect and Annabeth on life on the White House. It was usually the job of White House Chief of Staff but no one felt that as Second Lady-elect CJ should be doing a courtesy job. That suited CJ just fine; she was too busy to be Holly Helpful to Helen Santos. Cliff thought it was great; Helen Santos was a lovely woman and it kept him busy for days. On Wednesday afternoon, he walked into Margaret’s office, looking at the senior assistant.

“Hey Margaret, how's your munchkin?”

“He’s perfect; thank you for asking. You can go right in.”

“Thanks.” Cliff walked into the Chief of Staff’s office, where CJ, Nora, Charlie, Sam, Will, and Kate were waiting. “What is this? An intervention?”

“Happy birthday!”

Cliff smiled as they blew those annoying noisemakers and Nora put a hat with a string on his head and around his chin.

“You guys didn’t have to do all of this. Honestly, I forgot about the whole thing.”

“All this and modest too. If you would just switch parties I might actually learn to like you.”

“That’s not what you said last night, Mrs. McGarry.” He replied, wearing his first real grin in weeks.

They all laughed as CJ put him in a light chokehold and Cliff flailed his arms. The President of the United States came in through the side door, wheeling a double chocolate cake with butter icing. They all sang a loud chorus of Happy Birthday that was a shade off-key and it surprised Cliff that he was a bit choked up. Birthday parties were not given if people didn’t care. With all that was going on, he expected it to go by unnoticed.

“Speech!” Kate shouted.

“But make it snappy.” CJ said. “Because we don’t like you.”

There was more laughter.

“Thanks guys. I know there is so much going on…who knew the end would be so chaotic. I really appreciate you taking this time out for me. Some days I didn’t always feel welcome but I really do today.”

They clapped and the President himself cut the cake. Everyone hugged or kissed Cliff before going their separate ways after grabbing a slice of cake. CJ looked at him, tilting her head.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

“Talk about what?”

“That’s what I'm trying to figure it out. You know I want to listen if you want to talk.”

“That is awfully sweet of you Claudia Jean, but you are more frazzled than I am. I am going to be just fine; the Bethel Tabernacle Choir is soothing my soul.”

“The Zion Baptist Children’s Choir is doing a concert here tomorrow evening. Handel’s Messiah and other traditional hymns. I think you will like it. Wear a nice suit.”

“Yes ma'am.”

Cliff went to leave but CJ stopped him.

“Seriously, if you ever need to talk I am here. For what its worth.”

“It’s worth a lot.”

He walked out and ran smack into Donna. It nearly sent his cake tumbling to the floor. Margaret paid them no real mind, being invisible was her job, but she could feel the tension and cold chill that suddenly entered the room.

“Happy Birthday.” She gingerly touched his arm.

Cliff said nothing, moving his arm. He did not want her touching him…he couldn’t bare it.

“How are you?” she asked.

Saying nothing, Cliff just moved to the side and walked out the door. The hallways were busy and Cliff walked through them, guided along by the sounds of the choir.

“Cliff! Cliff!”

He turned around when he heard Sam’s voice.

“What’s up?”

“We need to sit down and talk about the President’s trip to Bethesda to see…”

“We have to talk.” Josh said, walking over and interrupting.

Cliff looked at him with daggers but the former Deputy paid little mind.

“Sam, I have a few things that have to be done right now. We will talk in a little while.”

“Alright.”

“Trouble in paradise?” Josh asked.

“I certainly have no idea.” Sam replied.

“I think Donna cut him loose.”

“Why would you say that?” Sam asked as they walked into his office. Josh followed. “As of Halloween, things were fine. I can't pretend to know personal things but…”

“Well I know, and I am not pretending.”

“What did you do?”

“What? Sam?”

“You have always meddled in Donna’s business and you’ve never liked Cliff. Asking what you did is a viable question.”

“Nothing. Donna made her own decision. I was single so I didn't do anything wrong. She was the one…”

“You slept with Donna!” Sam exclaimed.

“Say it a bit louder Sam, people in Madrid didn’t hear you. Look, you know how campaigns go. Things happen and you roll with the punches. There is someone else I hope to be a part of my life very soon.”

“Who? Is this the person who joined you in Maui?”

“I can't say; I don’t wanna jinx it. Look, if Donna wants to work it out with Cliff I say more power to her. I don’t really think he is her type but I guess it’s not my place to say.”

“I am glad you recognize that. Didn’t you say we have something to talk about?”

Will knocked, poking his head into Sam’s office.

“Sam, we have to talk about these pardons. Charlie got a new one that I know we’ll get questioned on.”

“Who?”

“Judd Monroe.”

“The NASA leak?” Josh asked.

“The one and only. There is a large group of people behind him, including big names.”

“Alright.” He looked at Josh. “We’ll talk after work.”

“Yeah, I will see you later.”

***

The White House Christmas party fell on Friday night but Donna was definitely in no mood to attend. Over a month and not a single word from Cliff. Running into him in CJ’s office, the way he didn’t even speak to her, that was the final nail in the coffin of her hope. It was over so it was just better to learn from her mistakes and move on.

She’d gone out and bought a four-foot Christmas tree, which she decorated while listening to pop Christmas carols and eating the meatballs her mother sent from home. She talked to her mother earlier, doing her best to avoid all conversation about Cliff. She said they were both so busy that there wasn’t a lot of time for the extra.

“Donna, I don’t have to tell you how proud I am of you…it fills my heart and soul. However, you have to make sure that all the hard work doesn’t swallow up your life. I know how much you care about Cliff and I don’t want you to lose that. Work is wonderful, but living your life is important too.”

“I know mom. I promise to take some to smell the flowers when they bloom again. Kiss daddy for me; I love you both so much.”

“We love you too Donna.”

The knock on her door surprised her…Donna stopped trying to untangle the lights. She went to the door and pulled it open.

“Merry Christmas.”

Cliff Calley stood on the other side of the door with a box. The blonde was speechless but she did mange to stand aside and let him in.

“Donna…”

“What are you doing here?”

“I'm here to help you decorate the Christmas tree, if you want.”

“I cannot get the damn lights untangled.” She replied.

“Do I smell your mom’s meatballs?” he asked.

“Yeah, I was going to reheat some. As usual, she sent enough food for a small army. Take off your coat; get comfortable.”

Cliff put the gift box down on the couch as Donna went into the kitchen. He took off his coat, threw it over the arm of the couch, and went straight to the lights.

“Do you want a beer?” she asked.

“Is it light love?”

Donna’s breath caught when he called her that. If he called her that, he still loved her.

“Donna…is it light?”

“I have a few Heinekens in here.”

“That'll do.”

It took a while but she finally emerged from the kitchen with food and beer. Cliff realized he was starving when the smell tickled his nose…he lived lately on coffee and adrenaline.

“This smells perfect; I am so hungry.” He held out the untangled strings. “I fixed the lights.”

“Thank you.”

They were silent as he strung them along the tree. Donna cleared her throat, sipping her beer.

“I miss you so much I can hardly breathe.” She whispered.

When she put her hand on his shoulder, he did not cringe or move away.

“Ditto.”

“I can completely understand if you never forgive me for what I've done, but…”

“Stop.” He finally looked at her. “Lets do the tree first and then we can talk.”

She nodded, and they went about their task. It was quiet, except for the music, and a few breaks for food and beer.

“Does you family do a star or an angel?” he asked, stepping back to look at what they created. Cliff was one of those people who never got over the beauty of a Christmas tree.

“Are you kidding me? The Mosses are strictly angel people.” She pulled it from the bag in her chair.

“She only has one wing.” Cliff noted with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah. She and Josh had a run-in about five years ago at my New Year’s Eve party. She lost the poor thing.” Donna put her on the top of the tree.

“He is pretty good at destroying things, huh?”

“Look how she still shines Cliff…she is not destroyed. A little battered, a little lopsided maybe, but still beautiful. I would never replace her because of a little tarnish; she means too much to me.”

“I love you and I never should have said that I didn’t.”

Donna knew that. She wanted to say so much but did not. He had come to her because he had something to say and she would let him say it.

“I do love you, and that is why I was so hurt. I did a lot of thinking over the past month. I was so angry I could not see straight. Then I read that goddamn book and I just got angrier. If I wanted to form words, I couldn’t have. I am never going to be able to change what happened with you and Josh. You know what hurts even more that that…my life without you. I forgive you Donna. It was something you had to do; it was inevitable. It took me a long time to justify that in my mind but you see, I never have to worry now that you are going to wake up one morning and wonder what if. I will never have to worry that I was your second choice. You made love to him and I can move past that. I am the one you want to be with. I still don’t know if that makes me smart or dumb, but I don’t care.”

“You are the only one I want to be with.” She replied. “I am so sorry for what I did to you…what I did to us. You're the man I love and I was lost when you left. I came so close to losing you; I thought I had.”

They were quiet again. Donna reached for his hand and would not let it go. Cliff put his other hand on top of hers.

“Now what?” she asked. “God, that sounds a bit silly after all of this.”

“Now, I kiss you before I lose my mind.”

Donna smiled when he pulled her close. She stroked his face and opened her lips for him. The moon and stars collided when they kissed for the first time in a month. Neither wanted to stop and after a few minutes, they were all over each other.

“God, I've missed you beautiful.” He murmured.

“Me too. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Pulling apart, Cliff smiled when he caught sight of Donna’s. He had a weakness for her smile. What man would not?

“I bought you a birthday gift.” She said. “I wanted to give it to you, but under the circumstances…wait here.”

With reluctance, she moved out of his arms and went into her bedroom. She came back with a small rectangular box.

“Happy Birthday.”

Cliff pulled the top off the box and smiled. Inside was a nameplate that read Clifford Calley, Senior White House Counsel.

“Aw, this is great. C’mere.”

Cliff pulled her back onto his lap and the kissing continued. Donna rested her forehead on his shoulder when they finally came up for air.

“You gonna tell me what's in the box?” she asked.

“A Christmas gift. You think you can wait 10 days to open it.”

“Um…no. Can I have it now?”

“For being the most wonderful woman on Earth, yes you can.”

“I'm not wonderful.”

“Yes, you are.” He assured her.

“But what I did…”

“Donna, I forgive you. I'm not just saying that to sound good. It took some time to come to that decision. Now you're going to have to forgive yourself.”

“I'm not really sure if I can.” She replied.

“It will take time, and I will be here for every moment.”

He handed her the box, telling her to open it. She tore the paper off and pulled out a soft leather briefcase. The initials DKM were sewn in it.

“Oh wow, I love it.”

“I thought you would. Important women cannot function without a briefcase. I knew it would suit your tastes.”

Donna kissed him. She stood again and took Cliff’s hand.

“What are you doing Miss Moss?” he asked.

“I'm taking you to the bedroom. If you want to go.”

“Would it be OK it we stayed here for just a little while? Maybe hold each other; maybe talk?”

She nodded, snuggling close to him again. God, she never thought she would be in his arms again. It felt so good to be close…to smell and feel him. She kissed his temple as his arms moved tighter around her. Even the quiet felt good with him and she was not going to let anything ever jeopardize it again.

“Tell me the first thing that comes to your mind.” He said.

“That I am the luckiest woman in the world.”

“And the second thing on your mind.”

“I want to tear your clothes off and have my way with you.”

Cliff laughed, nuzzling her neck. Donna sighed.

“Me too love, to both.”

“You're the luckiest girl in the world?”

“Ha ha.” Cliff pinched her chin. “As much as I want you Donna, I want us both to remember that we are together for so much more that just that.”

“Of course we are. We’re together firstly because we love each other; because being apart hurts. We are together because we compliment each other and can see past our differences. We are together because when we make love, the Earth stops turning on its axis.”

“Yes.” Cliff breathed.

“I want the Earth to stop turning right now.”

“Me too.” He nodded.

“Come to the bedroom.”

He shook his head, carefully placing the gifts on the floor. Cliff lay back on the couch and Donna went with him.

“I love you, I want you, and I am never going to stop.”

Donna smiled, leaning to kiss him as they undressed each other. This time there would be no tension and no lack of climax. It would take a while for the bad memories to go away but they would dissolve with time; something her love for Cliff would never do. She was exactly where she wanted to be. She made a mistake…she would live with it and learn from it. Cliff would help her do that.

***


End file.
